March madness - not just basketball is boring

Quantitative Easing, American Idol, Karate Kid and Slum Dog Millionaire

Not the opening you might expect, but my rather expensive web marketing genius, (his words not mine),Vincenzo, that in order to receive more comments I must deviate from the norm or rather my norm and mention "ever-popular bottom-feeding keyword-riddled trashy celebrity gossip" (again his words not mine).

However, before I journey down this road, for now I am at the start of a yellow wood, I must tell you that since arriving back at Leighton Buzzard I have done nothing. So, unlike the previous blogs that are positively brimming with action and adventure this will be more of a rumination. Some might say that I am reading the wrong blog. By the way, be careful when you type my address - there is a counterfeit out there - someone trying to ride upon my literary coattails - except his name does not have an 'E' at the beginning. Now before you all rush off, let me save you some time. His work has no spelling errers, he writes from a knowledge base, his punct-
uation is without fault's, the layout is somewhat more professional (hint for previously mentioned marketing genius) and his commentary is based upon more wider issues and concerns to society than this peculiarly unique essayists particular views. I realised I just called my self an essayist - I presume I am talking about lots of words together and not weighing and judging gold dust in California in a previous century - you see - if you read the one with the name without enough letters, then you will miss all this. So stick with what you know.

Two million, one hundred and sixty thousand seconds or six hours and 15 minutes of The Archers - 'an everyday story of country folk' - this is my lot. As most of you know - I am currently undergoing radio therapy treatment on my foot. Positively, hospital patient transport collects me, I sit in somewhat relaxed comfort in a family sedan, the Radiotherapists are excellent (honest), and then I am returned to my house in the same sedan enjoying the views of of past pastoral Buckinghamshire in the spring. Negatively, I cannot
describe the excruciatingly, toe curling experience the whole RT exegesis is. One day, when I can face it I shall describe to you my fellow passengers and medical journey. For now - enough said.

So what can I share with you this month.
Lets start with a poem

To My Cigar

Yes, social friend, I love thee well,
In learned doctors' spite;
Thy clouds all other clouds dispel,
And lap me in delight.

Charles Sprague (1791-1875)

You see I have given up smoking. Yes. I have given up smoking. March February 4th 2009, @ 2.45. Approximately 8 minutes before I was admitted to hospital for the operation on my lungs. I think I mentioned in previous entries that my lungs are in 'fine fettle'. I have witnesses. There is no evidence of any damage. So, logically, emotionally, financially and physically it seems that it was time to finally decide to stop smoking. My choice, no governmental attack on my civil liberty, no damming so called 'scientific study', no plague like feeling from fellow socialites.
I have given up Boxing Day style - cold turkey (sorry). I researched the whole deal. Apparently nicotine stays in your body for anywhere up to 12 hours - depending upon who you read. After that its mostly habit. For me, the first 120 hours or five days was crucial. Luckily I was semi, or completely unconscious for most of it. Once I was home, the effects of the operation meant I could not breathe easily for a few more days - in fact now stairs give me grief and smoking is so far from my mind. However there are moments, sometimes hours when I would pull out my own teeth, probably even pull out yours for a smoke. The biggest change is that I have a lot more change, more notes in fact. Now, as some of you know I have to temper my addiction to e-bay with my gains. Will I be successful. Hope so.Don't know. But I really enjoyed it. Its funny, tragic - depends on your view - I travel to RT with smokers, I smell them, I never used to. Apparently I used to smell like that. Unfortunately every time I get that smell - I want to lick them. Given my fellow passengers and treatment buddies you need to accept that this is pretty desperate.

Next.
I have been on a bus. I have been on several buses. Four things I have learned about travelling on public transport.
1. There is no Business or First class. You have to sit with everyone else.
2. People look at you funny if you wipe the seat with a wet wipe before you sit down.
3. Its not worth the gain in green credentials - I will buy carbon off sets.
4. I was not made for travelling on public transport.

Spring
I think spring is the best season. Living in CT for a number years, I forgot just what a proper spring is.

And finally

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

The Lung Good Friday - well Tuesday

Please don't let anyone feel guilty but my last blog did not receive as many comments as before. I put this down to the credit crunch. The credit crunch has a lot to answer for not least of which is disenabling my friends, my good friends, those that have been such stalwarts through this terrible disease that I am battling through, here, alone, on my own, saying goodnight to his reflection in the bathroom mirror as he checks off the 'goodnight list' before going back down stairs to check the doors are locked for the third time and that the oven is switched off then back up the fourteen stairs turning on the nightlight on the wall. We are all grateful that the credit crunch cannot effect the content, quality, wit or discursive commentary that this blog is made of.

Now onto the current blog . I know, I cannot help it - its about hospital and me - that is the purpose of this blog (see Deb). I was sat in hospital on the ward, incredulous still about my situation and it occurred to me I should blog. What follows is a word for word (well mostly) copy wrote the day before the op. Apologies if in some parts it seems callous but I was not feeling very 'human'.


Funnily enough I did not sleep well last night - awoke at 3.30 A.M., checking the freak snow in England. I knew I had to be at Heathrow Airport by 9.00 A.M. and it is 75 minutes away - I needed to be ready to leave on time. I was picking up Dad and Coral after their trip to Turkey for the wedding, the snow in England meant they had to o/night in Vienna.

Obviously, the flight was delayed, but after I met Dad and Coral I was assured it was all worth it and a marvelous time was had by all.

Congratulations again to J and M

Arrived at the hospital at around 11.00 A.M. and made are way to the bowels of this NHS hospital to the Cardio Thurrassic Unit (CTU). Just following signs made me feel crap. Waited at reception, filled out the same form as last time but not quick enough apparently as the kindly receptionist - for those of you who know - think Hatty Jaques in 'Carry on Matron' wearing Cold Water Creek - strode over and with a comforting yet slightly patronising smile and said not to worry about NHS number or doctors phone number, just the important bits - like 'Next of Kin'.

Confidence.

So we were escorted onto the ward. If it wasn't for Hatty I would have turned and run for the hills. Those souls in the beds were going to be me in 24 hours. I am not that old and sick. No-one is that old and sick. What if these people walked in looking like I did and then 24 hours later .......

Confidence.

Guess what - my bed was not ready. Even though I had telephoned nearly three hours ago and was assured they were ready for me. We were escorted, Dad, Coral and I into the 'Day Room'. Let me paint you a picture. Imagine a dumpster or skip with a lid, assorted soft furnishing that had been very generously donated, germ infested magazines from Motor home monthly to Women's Realm, a jig saw and a telly - on loud - with the delights of day time talk shows for all to share and the majority of the seating filled with patients and their families. I could tell that the visitors were family and not friends because they all looked the same.

Confidence.

I made several escapes to reception seeking information about my bed - lesser of two evils - would not be for some time. I convinced Dad and Coral that they should leave as they had been travelling for hours - they agreed. It was a good decision.

Just before 1 P.M. the room emptied. I was left alone, a trolley delivering pills and potions could be heard in the distance. The corridor outside the Day room went dark. I hesitantly partially opened the door. The ward was dark. No lights. Now bear with me. After an exceedingly hearty and of usual high standard Sunday Lunch at L&Ps last week we settled in to Sticky Toffee Pudding - no not the Cartmel one - L did apologise - M&S a very successful replacement- in front of possibly the worst Bond Movie ever made. The one starring George Lazenby. I was reminded of this because part of the dastardly plot to take over the world is where in Blofeld's hospital in the Swiss Alps he hypnotises a group of 'desirable' women under the pretext of allergy treatment. They are eventually sent back to the world and when the effects of the hypnosis is triggered they release a deadly gas. I wonder if this is what goes on here. Am I going to have some implant that I trigger and that this dark time is a period of deep hypnosis?

Confidence.

This dark time went on until 3 P.M.. This is when I began to make friends. I shall call him Henry. He came in to the Day room, very chique green PJ pants and what seems to be the de rigeur uniform from my trip through the ward, matching PJ button up top but don't fasten the buttons - the scar is very becoming. Our conversation went something like this -( no punctuation I will get it wrong

Henry : Why are you here
Adrian: (slightly bombastically) treatment
Henry : You cant be, how did you get here, this is my house, I bought it. (Accompanying dribble)
Adrian: (Even more bombastically) Really - (turns around making sure he can see Henry's reflection in the window.

Confidence.

I am still waiting in the Day room when a doctor I have never met sat down and explained the benefit of the operation and then in great detail the risks of the operation. Or more accurately a description of what could happen to the A-Z of vital organs in my body.

Confidence.

I am now on my bed. This is going to be a long night. D visited - brilliant. Laugh, moaned and coached. We also suck out for my last smoke. Not in the firing squad sense. Dave left and I was planning my evenings entertainment - which included a shower using surgical scrub - golly.
Henry just walked past my cot - His PJ pants now two toned. Going to be a long night.
It just confirms everything I put in my will.

Its almost 10 P.M. and I can assure you that the luke warm, slightly dripping shower using a liquid scrub that is supposed to smell like pomegranate but smells like a pommie in a WWI trench is only made bearable by the 800 thread Egyptian cotton extra large monogrammed hotel towel provided by the NHS to gently dry your stinging pores. I used to dry my dog with better and bigger towels.

Confidence.

Its now almost 11P.M. and I have just spent the last 15 minutes listening to what each and every patient on the ward has done, taken, acted, said and what is recommended if Henry becomes more stressed. Additionally I now know the life ambitions and some of the love life of the nursing staff.

Most of my fellow travellers are in various states of slumber, unfortunately sleep does not bring silence. At least no passing ship is likely to hit us. You may remember - we are in t
he bowels of the hospital and I cannot get Radio 4 . It is going to be a long night.

Confidence.
Wednesday 5.15 A.M. Not going to bother describing last night - just that I am quite looking forward to the operation as I know I will be out of it tonight.

A truly Happy New Year to you all. In my case it will be a better year than 2008 - though in saying that there were many good times, fond memories and special moments that I will carry into this year and beyond. I know I have been remiss to you re this dialogue - my muse left me for the season - only to be replaced by Dionysus (unfortunately he did not bring me any of his Satyrs). My writings or lack there of have been a constant itch that has irritated my consciousness, obviously not that much and not like the last I had, but that did not affect my consciousness and nor can I talk about it now. However today, I received a beautiful vase of spring flowers (for those of you in CT, this is a period of time between Winter and Summer) and it pricked me to to start a New Year blog.
I know it it does not read like it - but there is a week between these paragraphs and today I will continue in earnest, until done.
Before I get lost in my ruminations, I must tell you all, formally, on the record, if you like that I am genuinely grateful by your constant support and sympathies that come in all forms and in all mediums from photographs to 'Facebook', from e-mails to snail mail and I have enjoyed the conversations on the 'dog and bone' to a few of you.
So, what have I done since the last time we spoke. - Not a lot and and an awful lot. I shall skip over my stay at the Nuffield and move on to a few days in France just prior to my stay. I was in the proverbial Doldrums waiting and Steven very kindly offered to take me on his jaunt to see an inordinate amount of WWI graves and monuments, visiting museums exhibiting, amongst the amazing stories that litter the pages of history, images and instruments of agonizing pain and of battlefield amputation surgery - all this would take me out of myself - whatever that means. It was a marvellous trip and here is my formal thanks. We toured many sites of the Somme, a trip to Waterloo and a sample or two of Belgium beer, and on the way back we stopped at Azincourt (correct spelling). I was going to include a photograph of that famous field, unfortunately, despite the combined knowledge of a history graduate, a new graduate (who is by the way highly employable, well skilled and adaptable) and two teachers who all studied the 'Table d'Orientation' describing in great detail the events of the battle - I snapped the wrong field. I now have a fine 5" x 7" of a field next to a famous field where English archers (and a muddy field) fought to victory on St Crispian's Day. Nevertheless, we few, we happy few, we band of brothers (someone should use that phrase one day - its pretty good) had a very memorable, amusing and informative trip. As for the reason for going - worked very successfully - as an aside - my docs were worried that my blood pressure was a bit high and would need to be a lot lower if the op was going to take place as scheduled. Here is my health tip - a few days immersed in 500 years of European warfare, in freezing temperature with a very generous portion of epicurean excess is very good for blood pressure. Mine sank like a bodkin through a French destrier!
The Christmas holidays came and went,a surfeit in all things and it was great being at Tall Trees. I hope I am not laboring the point, but thinking back to that time I must state that since arriving back in England and in particular going through this current malignancy i could not have coped. Simple. I will be eternally thank full. At least, with the skill of the surgeon and post op success I will be back at work before the end of this term - that's the plan. And (after a little research I discovered) I will have lost about 2.5 kg without dieting!
Finally a quick random look at what we have to look forward to in 2009.
January : inauguration of Barak Obama - brilliant!!!!
February: 200th anniversary of the birth of Charles Darwin and the 150th anniversary of the publication of 'On the origin of species" - one of the most important arguments of history and a great iconoclast.
March: England play France at Rugby - not just a sport but a mode of life!
April: Start of the American Baseball season - see previous month for an interesting sport.
May: The first of three conjunctions of Jupiter and Neptune - this is an astronomical event, where two planets or a planet and a star meet each other three times in a short period either in opposition or at the time of an inferior conjunction, if an inferior planet is involved. Normally prograde in the first injunction, retrograde at the second and then prograde at the third. This is as about as interesting and as easy to understand as the last month.
June: 25th Anniversary of the release of 'Ghostbusters' - great movie.
July: 2nd conjunction of Jupiter and Neptune - but I won't go into that again!
August: Lake District 2009 - a trip everyone is invited to - hiking and eating and possibly a beer or two - more info soon.
September: The Burj Dubai completed - tallest building in the owrld and another example of human wonder and brilliance
October: World Smile Day : seems odd because we should smile every day but not my idea, thank Harvey Balls
November: World Philosophy Day - got to think about that one.
December: yes you did not miss it - 3rd conjunction.
Now I know there are many events, happenings, anniversaries, celebrations and remembrances not included but this is just an example of the great diversity of this world. Please respond with your own contributions and we can generate a wonderful calendar for 2009 - it might be fun - well it might?!
Congratulations - you made it to the end.
Take care, be good, have fun!

And finally - (i know this is the bit you like most so here are two)

A women walks into a pub and asks the barmen for a 'double entendre' -
So he gives her one!

A Buddhist Monk walks up to a hot dog stand in NYC and asks the vendor to "Make him one with everything'.

Happy New Year

46 million turkeys.

My family and friends across the pond will apreciate more than their ex colonial leaders that I have been thinking a lot this week about being thankful. For this Thursday, tomorrow or yesterday if you are in Australia, is Thanksgiving. The time, designated in 1941 as a national holiday, to give thanks, collectively as a nation. Although, today, not only do family and friends give thanks and remember the Pilgrims of 1621, it is also a day of food, floats and football. It is also the start of the Christmas shopping bonanza - 'Black Friday'.

I give thanks for Lauren, my friends and family. For memories made, for every time I see, hear, feel and am in my Cumbrian fells. For times that I have forgotten. For the support and love I am receiving now. For what I have learnt, what I can do. And, hopefully, what I will do. No, will do.

Make it a good Thanksgiving, try not to squabble. Remember you dont have to dig to deep to find something to be thankful for.

And finally

There was a person who entered a pun contest. Ten different puns were entered in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

The day after the day before

Good Morning all,
Singularly and collectively waiting for the latest posting full of witticism and wisdom must have been a torment worthy of Dante, and then to have those hopes dashed greater than those of an English Rugby fan must have been more dire than you could handle. I would like to apologies for the somewhat disappointing e-mail I sent out last night (GMT), however I have been told to stop apologizing – so I will not.
A new series started on BBC 1 here in the UK on Sunday night. It was an impressive new drama depicting a post apocalyptic world. (For all my colonial cousins – I know it is not the norm, but TV can actually broadcast quality and entertainment). Anyway before you all go there, I am not mentioning this because of some ‘day of reckoning’ psychological state I may be in, but rather, about fifteen minutes after I sent the missive, my computer crashed. Panic gripped. How could I maintain sanity without my laptop? How could I receive that instant communication with the outside world? How could I continue up the ‘Scramble’ ladder on Facebook? How could I disappoint by burgeoning readership? What was I going to do?
Immediately, well almost, I re-started, ‘system repair’ will fix your life, the sleek, shiny portable friend informed me. It did not. Hours of torment, well why don’t I contact my manufacturer, (who I cannot name because of any possible future endorsements and publication contracts), no problem I thought – ‘beggar – the number is on the laptop in my contacts. Ok – use the internet …. Cannot. What do I do? Finally I retire to my boudoir, leaving my technological appendage ‘fixing itself”.
For some reason, sleep was fitful. I awoke - I wont describe the whole morning routine again, (apparently some of you new I was playing a jolly jape within a few words), however, I did delay my morning breathing in and out exercises – to check on my laptop. Still not working.
Now some of you may know where my thoughts next went? What time does computer shop open? What is the best and cheapest I can get? Where is the nearest shop? I know – I’ check on the internet? Duuh.
My point being.. sorry I took I break to make a coffee and I have forgotten my point ….. O yes… our world, well my world, would not be the same without the technological marvels we surround and immerse ourselves, well myself in. Luxuries become comforts, comforts become necessities.
Recently I was making a list, no surprise to some, for hospital. It included cell phone, laptop, PDA, portable DVD player, Nintendo DS lite (I doubt they will want me to endorse them so no worries there) IPod (same) and a radio, with their associated cables. I even added a multiple adaptor. I was watching an interview with Stephen Fry recently (he would be on my dinner party list), and he commented that right now we are at the pinnacle of human technological achievement. At no moment in time, has there been a more high tech period in history. I, and I am sure many of you might agree with me that there are some quite negative aspects to this, not least of which is a mind set dependency upon these digital appendages. And we need to put them all into context.
I think this is the end of this particular comment and you have probably worked out that my silver friend fixed itself – well almost – it managed to re-start, but it seems to have ‘hidden’ my previous ‘user’ and its associated ‘favorites’, documents and photos – beggar!
As with all good things – diamonds, frois gras, Monaco and my blog, small is beautiful.
Speak soon
And
Two parrots were sat on a perch, and one says to the other – “Do you smell fish?”

Good Evemorning,

Today was PET Scan Tuesday.

I woke at 6 to mys usual routine, 20 minutes of Raja Yoga (for those who don't know its an holistic approach to healing which synchronizes the physiological system as a whole as well as transforming all spheres (physical, mental, emotional, intellectual, occupational, social and spiritual) of human existence), followed by 15 minutes of weight training, an invigorating cold shower and then a bowl of home made breakfast muesli (recipe later) and a cup of Japaneses Sencha (obviously not using boiling water so as not to burn the delicate anti-oxidants) whilst listening to .......... bollox - no-one believes this - I got up emptied my bursting bladder, put the kettle on to make a cup of instant coffee and sparked up a fag.

For today was PET Scan Tuesday.

This meant that I could not eat or drink until 15:30 - when the process would be finished. I could have nothing food water and pain pills from 6 hours before 13.30. Later, but not much, the sizzling senstaion of fried black pudding, eggs, bacon and bread seeped through the house as Dad cooked his breakfast - just shy of 77 and fried breakfast every day - now there is a ponder. I escaped upstairs to Flashman - yet another novel I bought for hospital which I am devouring.

A few hours later - off to the Churchill, Oxford because today is PET Scan Tuesday.

Arrival at the Churchill for my 13.30 appointment are shown to the state of thart NHS trailer which contains the PET Scan machine - told to wait 30 minutes and then off we go. Am injected with some radioactive subsatnce told to keep away from pregnaant women and small children for at least 8 hours and to lay back, think of England and relax. I asked if I could read, or listen to music or play nintendo killing WWII enemies - "oh no sir - we just want you to relax" - My response was less than sympathetic - "So rather than distract myself with a good book - I should sit hear pondering wether or not the reason why I am laying here for 50 minutes is to find out if my body is riddled with cancer - very relaxing." That went down well and funnilty enough the answer was rather bland.

Ever tried nopt to move for 40 minute - not even a bit - - bloody difficult. Good job I am not claustrophobic - anybody who has undergone similar wil understand.

Anyway - obvioulsy at home now and will be waiting for results next Monday - have some friends visiting after Dad and Coral leave on Thursday. Looking forward to Rugby on Saturday.

Take care all.

And remember

Length multiplied by width mutiplide by height speaks volumes

Felicitations

It seems that now that I have gone global – well at least to the continental united states I have to translate :-
M&S – cannot be translated - it is like having Whole Foods selling only their own brand of food, clothing, furniture, handkerchiefs and the retail price and kudos just being enough to make Saturday night special.
Cumbrian Way – the walk of the gods – well at least the gods of Wainwright
Rambling - official definition :- sprawling: spreading out in different directions; "sprawling handwriting"; "straggling branches"; "straggly hair"
· digressive: (of e.g. speech and writing) tending to depart from the main point or cover a wide range of subjects; "amusingly digressive with satirical thrusts at women's fashions among other things"; "a rambling discursive book"; "his excursive remarks"; "a rambling speech about this and that"
(“not sure about ‘amusingly’ but there could be a link with the whole women’s thing )

Anyway

“Turned out nice again” George Formby 1941

Just seen an advertisement for a Wii – want one

Anyway

Went to Nuffield today with my two Minders – Nigel and Dave, met early, coordinated our pre written questions, ready to rumble and waited. And waited – appointment time 11:30 seen at 13:15 – whilst waiting, discussed family and friends, more importantly England v Australia last Saturday – did not agree – did agree – planned the next time we could watch it and drink Boddingtons (that’s for you Sean).
Then called in..
In a nutshell – it is possible that the docs can remove the tumor without removing the leg – not certain - and it is a possibility that I will still be semi legless – but 1st time mentioned. As for the link between the tumor in my foot and my lymph nodes – well one step or at least one lymph node removed at a time – if more than ‘several’ need to be removed – at the moment – all of them are “not right” - therefore, there is a possibility that a systematic approach to healing i.e. radio or chemo will happen – which will obviously necessitate a new haircut (sorry Liza et al ) and lots of new hats.
I feel much more confident than I did last week. It hall hangs on the PET Scan tomorrow.
Which is another story.
Those of you who know me, and I was going to say well, then I thought that was silly, because the biggest problem I have tomorrow is not that I cannot eat or drink for 6 hours before the test @ 13.30 – it’s the fact that I cannot wear clothing that contains metal. No corduroys or chinos for me – just a pair of leggings I bought in TK Max – TJMax for the colonists. So here I go.
The bad news – I may be riddled – the good news – they can top slice and I amcured – for now – here goes ……

Love

A

Words and music by Eric Idle
Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...

And...

always look on the bright side of life...

Always look on the light side of life...

If life seems jolly rotten

There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.

And...always look on the bright side of life...